Troubled Apples

Well, here we are, at the end of yet another year. 

 

Reflecting back on it, not sure if I can count this as a good year or not.  When I think about how I was able to fly up to see my kids twice this year, it seems it would be a great year!

 

I bought a new car that when I think about it, I get all nauseated because of how much I'm in debt now.  And the fact it's a 2001 and has over 100,000 miles on it!  They had to see me coming.  Or I'm just that stupid.  Take your pick.

 

Tomorrow night my honey will shoot off fireworks from the end of our driveway and put on a show for the neighborhood children.  It's his lot in life to entertain the young ones.  The littlest girl across the street really likes him for sure. 

 

I like to watch fireworks but I don't like the noise that comes from it.  I'm a quiet type person and therefore, do not relish in the loud bangs that come from the show.  I do need to be socialable with my neighbors so I will work on having a good time.

 

My tummy is a little upset right now.  Tis the reason I'm a bit blue I guess.  That and wondering what this next year will have in store for me, for the plans I really want to start putting into place.  No, no, no, not telling right now.  You will just have to wait and see if I actually do anything about it.

It seems to be my habit to want to write when I'm barely awake.  I have had a few sips of java and am working on my 2nd Marlboro (gawd I need to quit).  The eyes though are still heavy with sleep.

 

I had a difficult time going to sleep last night.  I'm thinking about my trip that is scheduled for tomorrow.  I fly to OKC to see my kids and grandson.  I'll be staying with my son and although he tells me not to worry, I do.  I've talked with his girlfriend's mother only once on the phone and although she said it's ok for me to come up there to spend time with my son and stay in her home, there is something inside of me that says different.  A gut feeling?  Or nerves?

 

I so wanted to be able to rent a car so I won't feel so trapped while I'm there.  I tried to sell this tennis braclet I have but the pawn shop would only buy it for $20 and I said "Hell No!"  I have a ring that I know I can pawn for up to $200.  I have another ring that sparkles too and had them see what they would loan me for it.  Only $10.  This second ring has 4 small rubies and what I thought was 6 diamonds.  Turns out they are cubic zarconias.  I decided I don't need to get myself involved in the pawn shop again.  My freedom is not worth the money I'd loose trying to keep from loosing my ring(s).

 

So, instead I find myself just being grateful that my son is willing to pay me back with this flight up there.  Grateful that I'll get to spend a few hours here and there with my son, daughters, and grandson.  I can't wait.

 

On that note, I have a ton of things to get done before my flight tomorrow morning.

 

Good day

Now there's a title!  *Snicker, snicker*

 

If you can't tell, I'm feeling a bit better then I was this morning.  Now that my car is fixed and running better, I'm really thrilled!  And I just finished cleaning her up too.  She shines so pretty inside and out!

 

Wanted to see if the thought process would lead me to wanting to write, hence the 2nd entry of the day and my glorious title.  I'm not really feeling the words though so this will be short.

 

Good night to my nil readers.

It's unclear to me why we celebrate and/or just flat out get drunk on a Friday night just to be awaken by "The Noise".  You know what noise I'm talking about.  All neighbors do it.  I just for the life of me cannot figure out why in blessed Hell are they using a damn weed eater to cut the entire grass in their backyard!  It's right near the very room in which I'm trying to type out these meager words. 

 

I don't really have the typical hungover headache that comes with too much drinking, per seh.  I am suffering more of the upset stomach, not enough to eat, kind of hangover. 

 

Oh Thank God.  The noise stopped!

 

Well, that was breif, it started again.

 

My honey just left a few ago to run and pay our rent.  I'm such a mean bitch.  I don't like him driving my new car.  I gave him explicit intructions to only go and pay rent and if he is to go anywhere else he is to come back here and get me.  No matter how long it takes me to get ready!  You should have seen the look I got from him!  I am kind of glad that he took my car though.  I have been having trouble with it starting and staying started. 

 

The other day at work I was leaving for the day and climbed into my nice clean 2001 Madza Tribute that even has the "Zoom Zoom" on the back windshield, cranked her up... died.  Cranked her again, died.  Crank once more keeping my foot on the gas to keep those whatever they're called running and turning.  As soon as I put the damn thing in gear to drive, it dies.  I can go from Park to Drive as I always back into the parking space I use everyday.  I want to be able to just shoot right out of the spot as soon as I clock out. 

 

Anyway, so I finally get her running and leaving the back parking lot when I didn't even get to where the garbage bin is when she died on me.  Starting to get pissed now, I slam her into park and wait a beat before restarting.

 

They quit!  Yea!  The noise level is back to tollerable.  *Sigh*  I'm in heaven.  I'd much prefer the soft hum of my computer tower and gentle breeze coming in through my back door that it is now scented with the strong odor of cut grass. 

 

I don't even know why I'm trying to type or get any thoughts out of this jummbled up brain of mine that is clearly still in it's drunken fog. 

 

Shit, there it goes again.  They must have had to fill it with gas or something.  I didn't think their damn back yard was that big!  Yes, they are still using the weed wacker and I must admit, it does take a very long time to mow anything down just using this item.  They generally send over one of their kids (probably the one doing the weed eating now----there's only 7 kids living in that trailor next door with a mom and dad on the outs with each other) to borrow our lawn mower.  I think I know why they don't ask anymore.  Both him (the boyfriend, lover, whatever label you wanna place on him) and I are fed up with them (the kids) borrowing our shit and never ever bringing it back.  One of their young kids took our broom right out of our screen room and then lied that they took it!  It was clearly a blue broom.  The only one of its kind.  And I not only had it since I lived directly across the street from these people but before we ever moved into this neighborhood.

 

The noise has stopped again.  I wonder for how long this time....

 

My honey just arrived without breakfast and I think I have woke up enough to drive us to Denny's this morning.  I think I can eat now anyway.  So, till later..............

With that being said, I cannot believe it has been over a year since I have felt the need to express myself via words.  I read daily while at work on my breaks and lunch hour.  I TRULY have a boring life.  Here lately; however, I have had this incredible need to start expressing myself with the words I'm so fond of reading. 

 

I am my own worse enemy and therefore don't feel I have the capacity to write like the ones that actually get paid to write their minds, ideas, fantasies, etc., etc.  I do I have a certain flare with painting a picture by being very detailed when I speak.  I do so much documentation on-the-job, that my tech-lead supervisor states, "I know she documented! Be prepared for a book!"

 

Sometimes I just don't know how to keep it simple ya know?

 

I know part of the problem is grammar.  I think I do fairly well, but I know there are times I drop a comma or should add a semi-colon or a misspelled word or two, or some such thing like that.  Another problem I have in my writing that I am very aware of are my run on sentences.  I can recall writing my mother a letter once and she said she ran out of breath when she read it out loud to herself to understand what I wrote!

 

The biggest problem in writing is the idea.  I get them.  I just don't always know how to put it into words or once I get started, I lose interest in it if it doesn't come out the way I want it to right away. 

 

So far, I'm pleased with how this is going, even if you the reader is not.

 

At least my keyboard hasn't stopped talking to me yet.  And I haven't had the need to go back and proof read, just yet.  LOL

 

I do have a story I want to tell, a book actually.  Not here, and not tonight, obviously.  I have often wondered if I could get the book out in this forum.  I mean, to tell the story I want to tell with the entries as my chapters.  Do I dare?

 

I'm always questioning myself in this area, hell every area of my life I question.  I never just do, until the urge hits me so strong that if I don't I feel like I will bust wide open if I don't.  I have so many ideas running around in this mixed up thing I sometimes call a brain.  I should probably buy myself a tape recorder and just say the words before I attempt to write them out.  I'd feel silly talking into a machine though so that idea is not a good one.

 

Ever have an idea that sounds really good in your head?  I get them all the time.  Until I actually voice it; however, then it doesn't sound so great.

 

See, there I go again!  Mocking oneself really should be a full-time job.  I could retire quite comfortably.

 

Not all ideas are bad.  I do have good ones and I know it. 

 

And yet again, here I go!  I was just thinking to myself.  Should that really be a paragraph all on it's own like that?  Am I paragraphing correctly?  Here, let's go back and reread to check and be sure of it.  LMAO, just kidding.  NOT. 

 

Maybe I should become a politician...

 

After all, I'm getting the whole thing down about saying stuff without really saying anything.

 

I crack myself up sometimes.

 

So, I have fulfilled my urge to do some writing.  Trying it on like a well worn hat just to see if it fits.  Sigh.